A Family's Best Friend

It has been a very, very long time since I last posted on my blog, but today's events required me to do so today. Today we watched our wonderful dog of 13 years take his very last breath. I can't help but sit here in tears as I think about what we could have done to keep him alive and spend just one more day with us. I'm heartbroken although I knew this day would come it has torn me apart inside. I loved our dog and too often did not show it. The last year has been the hardest on him and me because he has aged so quickly and his body just couldn't take much more. We learned in the last 24 hours that he really has been suffering from pain with his left hip and although we could've opted to treat him or have surgery or maybe do blood work would it really have been the right thing to do? We have no idea, but what we felt was best for him is breaking our hearts. How can putting your pet down be right when it feels so wrong? I realize all of the bad things that have been happening in our home that have caused concern, but if we had more money would we have opted for the alternative? I guess I'm just beating myself up over this because he's no longer here and within just a few seconds of time he was gone. It was awful watching him lie there so still and unable to move or cry or do anything at all. Then, to see him completely stop breathing and know he was gone forever killed me...absolutely devastated me and Nate. We will never hear him bark again or run up the stairs again or see him wag his tail for a treat. We will never see our daughter kiss or hug him again or call him her best buddy or pet him again. We'll never walk him again or clean up his hair off the floor again or have to wake up in the middle of the night to take him outside again. It was the hardest thing to see the look on Diego & Delaney's faces today when we came home and they looked to the room he always slept in to find he was not there and he didn't come running up to us to greet us as he always had. This broke Delaney's heart and it was then she understood Cisco will never be here again. Diego's caring heart keeps him in tears because he loved him so much. He said he didn't talk much at school today because he was sad and he played on his own. I just can't help but think I could've done more and I know we could've been more loving to him this past year. I just hope he knew how much we loved him and how much joy and laughter he brought to our lives for 13 years. He traveled the country with us and in the end was always our very best friend. He loved us and we loved him more than anything. Cisco, I hope you have felt our love and will rest in peace in Heaven. We will always think of you and pray you're in God's arms now. We love you! We love you! We love you!

She is just too smart

Delaney is bugging me for her scissors because she has colored a princess picture and says it's a special project that she needs to cut. She says the picture tells her there is a part for daddy and a part for her. So, we can't find the scissors anywhere...not in the bucket they're suppose to be in or where she does all of her coloring. So, I tell her she better find them. She says, "that's interesting...scissors can't just get up and walk away". Where the heck does she learn this stuff?? I love those matter-of-fact comments she makes on a daily basis. LOVE IT!

On another note, last night Diego came hauling ass into my room while we were all asleep. He ran right into the bed because he couldn't get on the bed fast enough. He woke me up and I asked him what was wrong. He said he is really scared. I told him to climb up on the bed and asked him why he was so scared. He said he heard something growling. So, I told him it could've been a cat outside fighting with another cat or maybe Cisco just stretching on his floor (now that he's old, he makes all kinds of deep sounds when he moves). This morning Diego tells me he was scared because he saw his door open wider and saw a shadow. As funny as this sounds, I clearly remember being terrified at night when I was a child of bears, ghosts, monsters, etc. I always would yell out to my dad and ask if he's still awake just to know he's still watching out for us. I slept in my parents bed many nights!

On a bike ride

I let the kids ride their bikes to their nana's house today so Diego could finish off the rest of his ice cream cake from Sunday. We hung out there for a bit & then started back home as today was pretty cold out, for Arizona anyway. On our way back, we were crossing the street & Delaney decides to stop in the middle of the street just as a car is approaching, rather quickly I might add. I'm making sure Diego makes it to the sidewalk & I turn to her & yell to hurry up. She sits there pointing at this stupid cat on the other side of the street that was also crossing. Even the cat knew to hurry up to cross, but not Delaney. She just sat there & then I got scared 'cuz this car was coming & I'm still yelling at her to MOVE! I finally start pushing her & yelling at her & she starts crying. All of this just because she wanted to show me a freaking cat! She cried most of the way home. Once we got here, I sat her down & explained to her why I yelled & how we never stop in the middle of the road, EVER! She tells me, "I'm very sorry mommy and I will never, ever do that again...next year." Huh? Well, I guess the apology is good enough...even if it means I have to wait til next year for her to hold up her end of the deal. Gotta love a 3 yr old's way of thinking.

Turning 6!

Today is Diego's 6th birthday! I can't believe 6 years ago (at 9pm AZ time) he was born! I think that once our kids pass age 5 they just aren't little anymore. It's bittersweet because I hate the thought of my firstborn child growing up so fast, but I'm excited that he is going to experience so many new things this year as a 6 yr old. We have tried for over a year to persuade him into wanting a bike, but he just kept saying no way. We decided to take another approach...force him to want one! It worked! He LOVES his bike & Delaney gets to ride her Dora tricycle right behind him while I walk as fast as I can to keep up with both of them. It's a win/win situation as they are getting exercise & loving to be outdoors and my flabby butt is getting a workout as well. Amen!

The hard part about Diego having his birthday at this time is that we struggle with throwing a big party since it's so close to Christmas...27 hours before the holiday, to be exact. We always said we wouldn't short him a party ever, but it's hard to get everyone together when a lot of people leave town, school is on winter break, etc. So, we do our very best to give him the special day he deserves and let him decide how he wants to spend it. This year he chose to spend the WHOLE day at Amazing Jakes with his cousin Anthony. Then, we met afterwards w/the grandparents for ice cream cake (a tradition we started over a year ago in NC) and gift opening. Diego had a great day that will be memorable to our family forever, that's all that matters!

Tonight, we will spend his actual birthday at Peter Piper Pizza with just our little family playing games & eating our favorite food, pizza! I saved a gift for him to open (Star Wars action figure) that he already knows he's getting at some point since he saw it in the shopping cart the day I bought it. Oh well, he thinks he's getting it for Christmas so I still win 'cuz he'll be surprised to be getting it today. It's the surprise & excite factor us parents really care about, right?

So, as this day will come to an end soon and before I know it we'll be celebrating his 7th birthday, I'm going to take this chance to blog about how proud I am of this amazing son I have. I am so blessed that he was born my son and although he was born 4 weeks early, he was healthy, happy and he was mine! I love you, Diego!

Things I love the most

This is a "combo post" since I have things to blog about that took place over a span of a week or more.

A few days ago Delaney was at the kitchen table while Nate, Diego & I were sitting in the living room talking. Delaney was happily drawing at the table when I look over & see her putting her head down on her paper. I'm trying to figure out what exactly she's doing until it dawns on me that she's trying to trace her own head! A few seconds later, while she has no clue that I'm watching her, she picks up her leg & puts it on the table and tries to trace it as well. I couldn't help but start cracking up & of course, Nate & Diego are laughing too. She gets mad & tells us to stop laughing at her. She has such an attitude! She later brings over a couple of her drawings to show me her work and I was totally surprised & impressed. She traced her own hand so well and drew a picture of a robot that had real arms, legs, eyes, nose, mouth AND even a bellybutton. Most 3 yr olds don't draw at this level and I was very surprised. She then drew a caterpillar that LOOKED just like one. Again, I was impressed.

So, yesterday I got out of the shower & she was watching me get dressed. She always comments on how she likes my underwear and thinks it's very pretty. Well, today was no different but she added a new one. She said, "mommy, I really think your underwear is so pretty!" "Mommy, um, why does your underwear go INSIDE your butt?" I was cracking up, but nicely told her that some moms like to wear underwear that isn't visible through their clothes & they're called thongs. Uh, think I gave her too much info?? I can see this coming back to bite me in the butt when I find out she shared this little story during sharing time in preschool. Oh boy!

Last night the kids were allowed, by Nate, to sleep in our bed. I opt to sleep elsewhere when this happens as I NEED my sleep! Anyway, the kids always talk when they're in our bed if we're not in there. I hear them talking and then the talking turns to Diego crying. So, I go in the room to find that Delaney was trying to get closer to Diego & accidentally scratched his face. Then, Delaney starts to cry because she feels bad he's crying. Sigh!! Why can't they ever just go to sleep, I thought. So, I get them settled back down & I leave the room. Delaney is still kinda sniffling & crying. I tell Nate to go in there & deal with it and he finally does about 15 minutes later. He tells me this morning what the whole issue was. Apparently, Diego told her he was leaving in the morning on a train for 3 days. She was upset that he wasn't going to be coming back & started to cry. Nate says Diego was so involved in this story that he started believing himself & kinda started to get sad. He told her he didn't want to go. Hilarious! Well, the reason he said all of this was because he is going to ride the "Polar Express Train" at school today, but it's really just a pretend thing they're doing at school. All the kids are wearing their pj's, gloves, hats, jackets, etc & they're going to have hot cocoa & pretend they're at the North Pole. Anyway, these kids are too much. I just wish I was able to constantly record my life (and be able to edit or push the "off" button, of course) in order to capture these amazing moments that will never take place again. I just wish I could show the actual footage to my kids one day. Can you imagine?

Movie night

Nate & I are truly blessed to have such wonderful parents who are willing to babysit our kids on a whim so that we can have a few hours alone to go watch a movie. Tonight we saw The Blind Side and it was a GREAT movie! Anyway, I allowed the kids to sleep in our bed tonight and while I was cleaning up the living room Nate was getting the kids settled into our bed. I heard them having "storytime" and Nate was basically retelling the story of the kid in the movie we just saw. It was really sweet listening to Delaney ask him, "so then what happened?" and Diego would ask details about the boy and Nate would try his best to answer so they could both understand. Then, Nate starts to tell them about the part in the movie where the boy (who is 17 yrs old, btw) takes a ride from the woman in her car. Although, the boy is 17 and old enough to understand "stranger danger" Nate realized our kids would not. He then had to go on and on about how we never get in the car w/people we don't know. He explains to the kids that the boy knew who the woman was, but we still never get into a car with anyone unless mom & dad say it's okay. He finally moved on & finished telling the story, but something tells me he's gonna stress over this discussion for months to come! Lucky me.

All in all, it was a great movie and the kids really enjoyed their dad sharing a story about it. Great way to end the night!

Breakfast, pretend play & a little attitude

This morning when Delaney woke up she wanted to eat breakfast...as she does every day the very second she wakes up. I asked her if she wanted shredded wheat or oatmeal. She says oatmeal. So, I fix her the maple & brown sugar flavored oatmeal and she starts to eat it. She turns to me and say, "mommy, this oatmeal isn't as tasty as it looks...I want the oatmeal I picked out at the store yesterday because this kind isn't tasty." So, I add a little more brown sugar to it & she asks to smell the sugar before I put it away. She eats it all right up!

We had Laney's soccer game this morning and then came home to hang out until Diego plays later today. Delaney asks to bring a chair over to sit right next to me. She then brings her dora doll & a small little butterfly over to play with. Here I thought she wanted to play alone, but be closer to me. Oh no, she gets a little irritated and says, "MOM, you have to pick up the butterfly & talk to Dora...don't just leave it there!" Sheesh, excuse me!

A little later Diego is bugging me for something to eat & I tell him to find something. Apparently, my tone wasn't pleasant because he said to me, "mom, if you're mad at Laney you shouldn't talk to me like you're mad at me". Wow, he taught me a lesson, huh? I just told him he was right and I shouldn't show anger towards him if I'm mad at someone else. What a cutie patootie!